My First Session

In 1977 I was studying Human Development and Learning, and Transpersonal Psychology at UMass Dartmouth. My introduction to Rebirthing came by way of Dr. Milton Young, a professor at the University.

I found Dr. Young floating about in the parking lot one afternoon. He was glowing, downright radiant!

I said "Wow, Milt, what have you been doing?"

"Oh, I was just Rebirthed," he said. "It's a breathing process, and it's really something. You ought to try it. In fact, if you do it and write about it, I'll give you three credits."

Three college credits just for breathing? How could the world's laziest guy turn that down! But Milt's lightness of being, his clear eyes and his totally unburdened air had already sold me.

My first Rebirthing session was a week later with a woman named Annabelle. It took place in the home of Dr. Young in Tiverton, RI.

Annabelle was a strange woman. She didn't seem capable of producing the kind of results that the Rebirthing brochure described. She smoked, she had thick glasses, and nothing she said made any sense to me. But I was committed, and after listening to her prep talk, I went down to the meditation room to get "Rebirthed."

As I got comfortable on the soft floor, I began to feel an unusual nervousness, like something big was about to happen. I was sensing my heartbeat and noticing the feelings in my stomach. Annabelle began to breathe in a strong, rather fast rhythm, and I copied it. The sound of her breath disappeared as my focus turned inward. I was intent on doing it right.

At that moment, she said "Don't worry about doing it right. "How did she know what I was thinking?" "Was something written on my face?" I wondered. She encouraged me to keep breathing fully and freely and just let go into whatever happens.

Within a few minutes my body began tingle and vibrate, and then boil with energy. Suddenly, who I thought was doing the breathing took a back seat and something else started to breathe me!

The breath was breathing itself, and I was just a passenger, an observer along for the ride. I began to notice that my face was getting stiff, as if it were a mask. I could feel tetany coming into my hands, and my chest felt like a knight's armor.

Then came the fear. What was going on? What was happening to me? What had I gotten myself into? Tears were streaming onto the carpet. I was paralyzed and it felt as if I was plugged in to a high voltage transformer. I was filled with a strange warmth.

My body wanted to curl up, and I wanted to hide, but I was unable to move. Just then Annabelle turned me onto my side and and said "you are perfect just the way you are. You deserve love just for being yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

Was she reading my mind? Was I an open book? Could there be such a direct and intimate connection between me an someone I had met only an hour earlier? I went directly into the fetal position.

I suddenly felt cold, and in that instant, Annabelle put a blanket on me. She said I was doing perfect, yet I wasn't doing a thing! But her encouraging words and my sense that she was right there responding to my every need gave me comfort. I renewed my intention to surrender to the process.

I connected the inhale to the exhale. I pulled the inhale in filling my chest and belly. I let go and relaxed with every exhale. My breathing felt circular and continuous, a powerful yet effortless rhythm.

I cried, I laughed, I breathed, I vibrated. I went from one emotion to the next, like layers unraveling. Memories and images from the past passed through my awareness. At one point, I felt as if I was stuck, and there was no way out. Terror struck like lightning and I wanted to escape.

I wept and wailed. Off in the distance was the voice of Annabelle. "You're ok. You're alright. Just relax. You'll be fine."

Then I remembered my near death experience, my drowning experience. Suddenly this was really not so bad. I was being overwhelmed by these strange and unusual feelings and sensations, but I was safe. I was alive. I relaxed my neck and jaw and shoulders, by chest and spine, my hips and pelvis. I relaxed my forehead and around my eyes.

And all the tension began to melt. My joints began to loosen, I could stretch. Suddenly, there was a bright light. I opened my eyes. The room was dark. The light was in me! The light was coming from me. It was everywhere. I was floating in ecstasy. A peace that can only be described as beyond understanding came over me.

The breathing stopped, seemingly forever. I disappeared into some distant heavenly state. Then as if I was thrown back into my body, I was struggling to breathe. My throat was closed off. I couldn't get any air in or out. Panic!

Annabelle said "You're doing it! You're doing it!"

Doing it? Doing what? Dying?

"Don't try so hard," she said, as she took little quick breaths next to my ear. I copied her rhythm and began to come out of the crisis. I felt as if my whole body was in one of those Chinese finger torture devices, where the harder you pull, the tighter it gets, the more you struggle, the more trapped and entangled you become. But, as I surrenderd and began to take little tiny breaths, everything resolved.

The breaths got bigger and bigger all by themselves, until my whole body was breathing. The tingling and vibrating melted into strong soothing waves of blissful delight! Every cell in my body sparkled. Every ounce of my being seem to be celebrating this awesome sense of aliveness!

I was experiencing a sense of joy and peace that was biblical in proportion! I was light and free, soft and warm, quiet and energized. My senses were awakened like never before. My heart was opened like never before. Every peak experience of my life came to mind, came together, as if they were all practice runs, pointing me toward this moment.

I had found the secret to life! I had discovered the miracle of life! Everything was in perfect order. All the accidental moments of ecstasy and bliss suddenly made sense. I didn't have to wait and hope that I would stumble upon those magic moments of oneness and wholeness. I didn't have to pray for peace and joy. It was all just a breath away! The breath itself was the key and breathing was the doorway.

For several days after that first session, I could scarcely believe the changes, the feelings, the sense of newness and wonder. I couldn't wait to do more! People would be asking me what had happened. I was hooked.

I wanted to know where Annabelle had learned this amazing technique. Within a week, I was in Boston with Pam, Annabelle's teacher. She led me to Sondra Ray and Leonard Orr, and from him I was led to Babaji. But that is another story!