I just got off a call with some of the beautiful folks who took part in our India Adventure in September. It was so great to hear about the changes that India brought to them and their lives.
(By the way, we are already planning our next trip to India, in October of 2024. If you would like to join us, contact office@breathmastery.com to apply for one of the 15 spots!)
Along with our celebration and reminiscing, our conversation turned to death and grieving as one of our co-travelers shared that he was spending time with his mother as she enters the final stages of terminal cancer.
This brought up an exercise/meditation in our Breathwork Practitioner Certification Program. We use it to develop the ability to stay focused on every single breath when guiding a Conscious Breathing Session. We use it to remain in the present moment, free of distractions, without spacing out, and to deepen our connection with the breather.
I learned Co-Meditation from psychotherapist Dick Boerstler, when he visited our Growth Center in Fairhaven, Massachusetts back in 1982. He was training nurses, counselors, clergy, and hospice workers around the country. He was helping patients, and their families cope with the stress and anxiety of terminal illness. And he gave them a very beautiful and practical way to deal with their very real fears and tensions.
His book is called “Letting Go.” It has been out of print for many years. And it was one of the books that was lost in the fire in 2004. But David, a fellow traveler, gifted me a copy he found in a bookstore in London. I will be scanning it and including it in the Members area of Breathmastery.com. But I would like to share the process with you here and encourage you to practice it with your clients and loved ones.
The practice comes from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and the original initiation required forty-five minutes to an hour. And without exception, everyone who learned it experienced a beautiful sense of peace and presence and connection.
Jackson, another member of our India group shared with us that he has been using it to help his wife deal with intense shoulder pain. After she falls asleep, he spends five to ten minutes practicing the meditation, and has been able to observe her relaxation and release.
That is one of the beautiful things about the practice: the person we are supporting does not even have to be conscious to receive the benefits! It is said that the sense of hearing is the last sense to leave us when we die, and so co-meditation is a way people can feel our loving presence in the final moments of life.
The practice is simple. Watch every single breath that your client takes, and with each exhale, you quietly say “ahh…” I suggest that you get close to the person’s ear, and you can also use touch to monitor the movement of breath and to make your loving presence felt.
That’s it! That’s the whole process. Watch every breath and accompany every exhale your client takes with a soft audible sound of “ahhh.” This is the sound of letting go. It is a soothing and relaxing sound. And it really makes a difference in those final moments… or at any time in life!
Very often, as relatives surround the hospital bed, they are holding on to their loved one. They don’t want them to leave. And this makes it difficult for the dying person to let go. People stand around wringing their hands and feeling anxious and sad. And this makes it more difficult for the dying person to experience a peaceful transition. No wonder that most hospital deaths take place in the middle of the night instead of during visiting hours!
I suggest that you try Co-Meditation. Get someone to do it with you so that you can experience the results for yourself. Practice it with a loved one, or a client or student. And listen to their feedback afterward.
Ask the person to lay down and breathe normally. Don’t even think about breathing. Just let the breath come and go by itself. The client can even take a nap if they wish! Sit or lay beside them and pay very close attention to each and every breath.
Notice how alive the breathing is, and how different and unique each breath is. Track their inhales, exhales, and any pauses. And every time the person exhales, simply say “ahhh” very quietly, yet loud enough for them to hear you.
When I train Breathworkers, I often have them practice this meditation on me. I get my breath into a steady rhythm, and then I test them by suddenly pausing my exhale just as I am about to release it… to check to see if they say “ahhh” in anticipation, rather than being conscious in the moment.
You are synchronizing your exhale with the breather’s exhale. And you are letting go of your exhale along with them and letting them feel that you are with them with every “ahhh.” Put aside at least 30 minutes to practice this. 45 minutes is probably best.
Nothing else to think about. Nothing else to do. You are simply being present in the moment, giving the other person all your love and attention. You are creating an energetic bond. Try it. You and your client will love it. And for Breathworkers, it is great training in staying focused and present and conscious of every breath.
Who knows? One day you may be able to help someone in the final moments of their life. You may be able to provide them with a soothing and peaceful experience. You may be able to help someone to gracefully ease through the final transition in life.
Good luck in your practice, and many blessings on your path!
