Projection, Transference & Countertransference in Breathwork
People often ask me, “Dan, after fifty years of teaching breathwork all over the world, what’s the most important thing you’ve learned?”
Most expect me to talk about a certain breathing technique or practice. Instead, I usually tell them this: Breathwork isn’t just about breathing. It’s about relationships. Your relationship to your breath, to yourself and others, to life and the world.
Whenever someone opens deeply through the breath, something else often opens as well. Old emotions. Old memories. Old wounds. And along with them come powerful feelings directed toward the person holding the space.
Sometimes a client suddenly sees you as the perfect teacher, the loving parent they never had, a trusted friend, a wise elder—or even a spiritual savior. Other times, without warning, you become the controlling father, the critical mother, the abandoning partner, or the authority figure they’ve spent a lifetime resisting.
Psychologists have names for these unconscious dynamics: projection, transference, and countertransference. In psychotherapy, they are foundational concepts.
But in breathwork, we can also encounter these dynamics without recognizing them. As a result, facilitators can either become: Inflated (“I’m a healer”); Wounded (“Why is this client attacking me?”); Confused (“I think I’m falling in love with my client.”)
Many ethical problems in breathwork stem not from bad intentions, but from a lack of understanding of these unconscious processes. In my breathwork education, there was a gap. When I began teaching, I stressed that breathwork—although naturally therapeutic—was not therapy.
In my early years I developed a carefree, even cavalier attitude about these things. I was insensitive, unconscious, even arrogant. But over time, I woke up, grew up, and cleaned up. I came to honor these well-established psychological concepts. I saw how they showed up in my life, in my work, and in the breathwork world.
We need to learn how to navigate the invisible emotional currents that arise between people. I have made mistakes. I’ve misunderstood clients. I’ve taken things personally when they weren’t about me. I’ve been flattered by admiration and hardened by criticism.
I’ve learned that the more unconscious we are of these dynamics, the more likely we are to confuse helping with rescuing, compassion with attachment, or genuine service with desire or a subconscious need.
One of the greatest gifts we can offer another human being is a safe, steady, non-reactive presence. That becomes much easier when we recognize what belongs to us… and what belongs to them. As breathworkers, we don’t just witness other people’s healing. Our own unfinished business and unmet needs inevitably walk into the room with us.
The work is not to become perfect. The work is to become increasingly more conscious and aware. I’ll be sharing more on these topics going forward, along with stories from my own journey—some inspiring, some humbling, all educational.
My hope is to support breathworkers in not only being knowledgeable and skillful, but also mature in presence, grounded in safety, and conscious of the invisible dynamics that shape every healing relationship. Because in the end, it’s not only how we guide the breath that matters. It’s how we show up for each other that makes the real difference.
We need to understand that a highly emotional breathwork session can amplify unconscious relationship dynamics. And it’s important to know that when we are in altered or non-ordinary states, attachment and projection increases.
And it’s a good idea to accept that trauma healing seems to make attachment inevitable. In any case, projection, transference and counter transference are real.
I think it was Carl Jung who said: “We don’t see people as they are… We see them as we are.”
Breathing intensifies projection, and we need to recognize when clients project onto us authority… mother, father, guru, savior, enemy, abuser, lover, God. And even very seasoned facilitators can become trapped
Positive projection feels so wonderful and is also very dangerous. Clients saying: “You changed my life.” “You healed me.” “I’ve never met anyone like you.” “You saved me.” The feeling of being needed can become a subtle addiction.
Negative projections are not so wonderful… Clients can become angry, feel abandoned, or betrayed. Idealization turns into criticism. Projections can flip very quickly and suddenly.
Many times, breathwork can awaken childlike states, clients can experience regression, attachment, dependency. And the facilitator can become dad, mom, teacher, shaman, priest, partner… If we remain conscious, we can recognize when this happens.
This is where it gets very tricky and touchy… Because as facilitators, we can want to be the rescuer, the protector. We may need students, want approval or to be admired, we can feel sexually attracted, possessive, responsible, irritated, guilty, exhausted…
Every facilitator experiences these things. The issue isn’t having them. The issue is being unconscious of them. We can easily slip into a helper identity, with the rescuer complex, a spiritual ego, guru projection, even messiah syndrome. The danger of believing your own mythology.
Breathwork naturally evokes powerful emotional and relational experiences. Those experiences can become profound opportunities for healing—or sources of confusion and harm—depending on our level of self-awareness. We need to learn love without attachment, compassion without rescuing, presence without fixing, to empower and support autonomy.
The facilitator is not the healer. The Spirit of Breath is the healer. Life is the healer. Awareness heals. Relationships heal. We as Breathworkers simply create and hold the space. Leonard Or said our goal was to keep putting ourselves out of business.
The greatest breathworkers are those who gradually become unnecessary. Learn to notice your own internal responses and automatic reactions and consciously redirect your energy and attention.
Some questions to ask yourself after a session:
What emotions linger? Am I thinking about this client too much? Am I looking forward to seeing them? Am I avoiding them? Do I feel responsible? Do I feel guilty? Was I trying to impress them? Would I make the same decision if this weren’t my favorite or least favorite client/student?
Practical Exercises and Reflection
Who do I become when someone admires me? Who do I become when someone criticizes me? What kind of clients trigger me? What childhood role am I replaying? Do I secretly enjoy being needed? What part of me wants to rescue people?
Practice 1: Breath Watching
Before and after every session, spend 5–10 minutes with slow, relaxed breathing. Observe whatever emotions, expectations, or judgments arise without trying to change them. Ask, “What belongs to me, and what might belong to the client?”
Practice 2: Shaking and Grounding after an Intense Sessions
Feel your feet planted on the floor, the earth. Shake and use your breath, to release any residual emotional energy.
Practice 3: The Empty Cup
Before meeting a client, take several conscious breaths while silently repeating: “May I meet this person as they are, not as I need them to be.” “May I show up as the best version of myself—clear, calm, balanced, conscious, relaxed, energized, present.”
Practice 4: Heart-Centered Presence
Connect awareness of the breath with awareness of the heart. Instead of asking, “What should I do?” ask, “What does the energy of the moment require?” Presence—not performance—is a facilitator’s greatest gift. The quality of our presence is more important than the perfection of our technique.
Wishing you much luck in your practice and many blessings on your path.
July, 2026
Breathmastery.com
